Posted on November 7, 2024

Drifting apart happens to the best relationships, but how do couples recover and regain their momentum? It’s already been said that relationships need maintenance. When this does not happen, disconnection may be the result. Distance when the desire is intimacy or interaction, can sound loud and unbearable in its quiet. There is nothing quite as resounding as silence and loneliness when you are in a relationship. The gulf between couples can seem impenetrable and uncrossable. Often the beginning of reconnection just needs a starting point.

There are a million things in a day that jockey for a couple’s attention and contribute to them taking their eyes off the ball. Today, the list could be endless, from the political turmoil, racial unrest, career, job loss, phones, and social media to name a few. Consequently, it is not hard to see how the most important focuses of your life can get pushed to the backburner, disregarded or lost in the muddle. When couples lose their way due to struggles that compete for their attention, sometimes it is necessary to reconnect.

Making the relationship a priority against such outstanding circumstances seems overwhelming and it may even appear selfish in light of what is going on, but intimate relationships should be safe places for both spouses. It should not be a place of continual distance, tension, frustration and strife. It can be where couples strategize together (with God) if the couple is religious, on how to handle these outside factors.

When first beginning a relationship, challenges erect when trying to make the switch from “me” to “we”, but as time and investment in each other continues, that switch should come easier and easier. The outside world is inevitably a part of couple’s day to day, but it doesn’t have to pour into their home and take it over. Boundaries have to be placed on your relationship to determine just how much of outside comes inside.

However, sometimes our disconnection has a root that is closer to home. Harsh words spoken, unresolved disagreements that were left to fester, feelings of insecurity, emotional hurts left unhealed are all sure -fire ways to push your partner away. Regaining their trust and finding ways toward reconciliation can be harder to come by and may require some extra effort on the offending spouse’s part.

If an emotional hurt has happened. It may prove harder to find a point of reconnection, but not impossible. The hurt has to be addressed and healed. This has to be handled delicately, because it is a hurt place for the other spouse that possible was caused by the other. Handle with care and concern. Open the door for them to discuss it. Listen for the area of hurt. Own the pain caused and inquire how things can be mended. Show contrition and try to make amends in a meaningful and deliberate way. If needed, call a professional to aid in reconnection.

Marriage is said to be an investment. How much time do you spend pouring into that investment? Spending time with the person who vows to love you and keep the darkness of the world far away from the safety and security of your special place is an investment worth making!

Ways to create reconnection can include:

1- Creating couple Rituals – Doing something that regularly bonds you like an early morning chat over coffee or a Saturday night date night.

2- Completing a Daily Check -In – Checking in to see how the other’s day is going and how they are doing.

3- Regular Prayer as a Couple – Praying for each other and the other areas you feel lead.

4- Build Healthy Boundaries – Allow friend and family connection with your marriage, but determine that it cannot interfere with your own desires, plans, etc.

5- Put your cell phones and social media down – Determine a time when you are eating, or talking that will be a no cell phone, couple focus time. Make your spouse your priority. Let them know they are more important.

6- Working 24/7 is sure to put a damper on time- Develop a work/life balance.

7- Cheer each other up – Be the person who makes things better for them. Be their safe place against a hard day. Help them hide in you and take off the day.

8- Hard Decisions- Is it the best choice for your marriage. Try not to intimidate your spouse into seeing things your way. Try to find compromise and make sure it is a good decision for your marriage.

9- Try to encourage. Look for the good and say words of affirmation.

10- Speak your spouse’s love language. Try to connect around doing an act of love that they will respond to.

11- Find ways to laugh together. If there is an inside joke that the two of you connect over, or just find ways to lighten the mood.

12- Keep things in perspective. If the problem is not that big—be big enough to let it go. Give each other grace and be quick to try for reconnection and reconciliation.